DEBK of Rosemount reports: “As was predicted in array of shutdown-themed memes we’ve accustomed in the aftermost ages or so, we acquisition ourselves in a hair-care crisis. Taxman and I are rarely complex in hair-related conversations, but in the aftermost week, we’ve not alone discussed our own charge of barbering, but acquire accustomed agnate letters from others, some of whom acquire been apprenticed to atrocious measures.
“Favorite Daughter-in-law appear from Chicago’s North Shore aftermost Friday that afterwards Sweet Caroline completed her online calculus class, she took affairs into her own hands. Using ‘elementary academy scissors,’ she gave herself a crew that ‘doesn’t attending that bad.’
“My women friends, whose schedules are usually crammed, acquisition themselves beholden not to be apparent in public. Several are cutting hats again, and one is addition intervals amid hair-washings so as to bottle ‘whatever blush is left.’
“So it is that my ancestors and I begin ourselves because the history of beard affliction in our family. Turns out, it’s a actual atramentous history. Presumably, Mom undertook a little accent from time to time, apparently acute into account her massive black-handled shears that were commonly aloof for abridgement crossword puzzles from acreage magazines and the Des Moines Register. But none of us kids remembers anytime arrogant a beautician boutique or adorableness salon.
“Our alone academic admonishment casework took abode ceremony August, aloof afore academy started. All of the Bobzien grandkids — some three dozen of us — descended on Grandma and Grandpa for our ceremony tub bath, taken in accouterment (girls first) in the dank, alarming basement area Grandpa had installed a abeyant bathroom. Following that ritual cleansing, the babe grandkids were beatific bottomward the alley a mile or so to Aunt Florene, our alone added about with active water. There, we girls were ceremony subjected to a Toni abiding wave, which may or may not acquire been preceded by a shearing. (Texas Sis thinks Mom assisted with the administering of the acrid solution. I anticipate she aloof stood there, aptitude adjoin Aunt Florene’s kitchen counter, smoker unfiltered Camel cigarettes and dispensing orders to accumulate our eyes bankrupt tight.)
“While we girls were constant beautification, the boys queued up for barbering. One by one, the Bobzien macho breed ascended to the bench of Grandma’s step-stool (the one we acclimated to accretion admission to aerial buffet shelves or Grandma’s always-filled cookie jar), there to be subjected to Grandpa’s wielding of his Sears & Roebuck electric beard clippers. There were a lot of little active to be shorn, so Grandpa’s focus was added on acceleration than on style. Truth to tell, his address had a abundant accord in accepted with the one acclimated by the adolescent who shears our sheep ceremony spring. Still, unless a grandson wriggled unexpectedly, Grandpa rarely drew blood.
“At the end of the day, we girls were appropriately coiled and acrid of ammonia. But the boys didn’t attending that bad.”
GREGORY J. of Dayton’s Bluff: “Subject: Dippity-do dah.
“The Toni Aggregation began in 1944 in burghal St. Paul and was a above employer in the city, at several locations and beneath assorted names, for over 50 years. My ancestor formed there as a chemist from the 1950s into the 1980s. Its aboriginal artefact was the Toni Home Permanent. The company’s artefact band eventually amid all sorts of beard and facial products. including White Rain Shampoo, Adorn Beard Spray, Tame Creme Rinse, Deep Magic Facial Cleansing Lotion, and Blessed Face Facial Washing Cream.
“In March 1965, Toni alien Dippity-do Ambience Gel. Maybe it was the name, or the adhesive texture, or the aberrant smell, or the actuality that it absolutely worked, but aural a year it was a common success.
“It was aboriginal accessible in alone two versions that were awash in characteristic broad jars — blush Regular and blooming Extra Hold.
“Because this was the 1960s, Toni anon offered Mod-Rod Rollers to be acclimated with Dippity-do, although chat on the artery was that abounding women acclimated abstract cans instead.
“Of course, those Mod-Rods had to be agitated in something, and what bigger than an official Dippity-do roller tote bag, which was big abundant to backpack abounding rollers and who knows what else.
“There were apprenticeship booklets accessible on how to use the Do with the Mod-Rods, but a account is account a thousand words, so actuality is a columnist photo of a archetypal demonstrating their able acceptance while cutting her June Cleaver pearls.
“Eventually the aboriginal Dippity-do begat added versions, including ambience lotions, acrimonious roller conditioning set, and accessible clasp tubes with a flip-top cap and a new fragrance.
“Because I had annihilation bigger to do, I took some photos of Dippity-do and the Mod-Rod Rollers beneath atramentous (ultraviolet) light. The Extra Hold array gave off a ablaze beaming radioactive green, and the Mod-Rods glowed in all sorts of adequate colors.
“YouTube has a cardinal of old Dippity-do commercials accessible for examination — and article abroad actual few bodies acquire apparently anytime apparent or heard. It is a accumulation alleged The Lively Set singing a song blue-blooded ‘Dippity-Do’ on ABC’s ‘Shivaree’ on May 15, 1965. By an absurd coincidence, one of the associates of The Lively Set wrote ‘Dippity-Do,’ and his ancestor aloof happened to be the Toni Co.’s western bounded sales manager. I don’t apperceive if the song or accumulation were anytime heard of afresh until the accession of YouTube.”
WICKI-YAH writes: “April 2 was the 10th ceremony of my jaw displace for leiomyosarcoma, a attenuate blight that originates in bland beef but can access any abode in your anatomy fed by claret vessels. (Science analysis appointment for you home-schoolers: Can anyone name the one abode it can’t go?)
“Yesterday, I got a agenda from a friend. She was charwoman and came beyond an old Bulletin Board abridgement she had saved; she mailed it to me from their cabin, area they acquire been self-isolating for added than a month. God knows why she kept it; sadly, I didn’t save them. Maybe because it seemed arrogant to save my ‘published’ works. (Bulletin Board objects: There is no charge whatsoever for those citation marks. Your works were appear — yes, appear — because they had merit!)
“In part, this is what it said:
“‘“They” say that lightning doesn’t bang alert in the aforementioned place. Well, “they” don’t alive in the Harley House.
“‘Eighteen months afterwards his leukemia diagnosis, aloof aback Harley Man has alternate to assignment . . . aloof aback we apprehension it was safe to address on the agenda in ink, blight has thundered aback into our lives . . . .
“‘So already afresh we apprehend how adventuresome we are in “fighting the battle.” Harley Man asked me if I acquire anytime apprehension we were aggressive cancer. I acquire been focused on his catechism for the bigger allotment of the ceremony because I acquire acclimated the byword “battling cancer” myself. I action the cable aggregation and our mortgage company. I action dust bunnies. In a attenuate moment, I will action alive garden pests.
“‘But I am a hobbit at heart. I don’t alive “on the edge,” except aback affairs bandy me there . . . . I couldn’t handle what’s to appear if I had to action annihilation that formidable. Me action cancer? Aback I absolutely anticipate about it, my acknowledgment is no.
“‘I don’t appetite to be labeled brave, because the absolute action belongs to the doctors and to God. And I don’t appetite to be alleged courageous; I am absolutely not a warrior.
“‘I am artlessly an acquisitive adventurer on the alley in this abbreviate life. I will accomplish of it aggregate I can, consistently absorption the Creator who fabricated me for this moment. Sometimes the adventure is hard, and sometimes it is actual easy, and usually it is actual joyful, alike aback blight roars in.
“‘Cancer didn’t advance me off my aisle into a battlefield somewhere. It is artlessly demography me bottomward new anchorage in the adventure that was advised for me. It draws added travelers to my side, to access my joy in ancestors and friends. And it elevates my faculty of admiration to admonish me how brittle — and how very, actual acceptable — this activity is.’
“That was not the end of the blight adventure for me. I am Stage 4, accepting had an added eight surgeries and abundant radiation in the abutting 4-1/2 years afterwards this writing, including several lung surgeries. But I am now appropriately 5-1/2 years out from my aftermost tumor. Not cured, but active able-bodied and aggravating to accumulate the Disney Darling out of harm’s way. But that’s addition adventure for addition day.
“And Harley Man? Well, he is alive from home, as are abounding others, at our dining-room table, managing small-business development programs that are badly bare appropriate now. And attractive advanced to extensive retirement about 15 years afterwards he was accustomed a 10 percent adventitious of survival.
“All of what I wrote on March 25, 2010, continues to be true. (Except I gave up on the dust bunnies; let them acquire their way.)
“All of it still guides our lives. We are not brave, nor courageous. We are not in ascendancy of our destinies, but abide to leave it to the experts — both alluvial and heavenly. And we already afresh are autograph in pencil. We abstruse continued ago to not bandy ourselves into apprehension of what is to come, but to alive our best today.
“And alike in the bosom of a pandemic, we are adored with accompany and family. Weekly Bible studies and online church, basic blessed hour with friends, Zoom with our six (six!) grandchildren and their parents. Isn’t technology a admirable affair aback acclimated right?
“As the apple faces an concealed adversary abundant like a all-around cancer, with accident it will acknowledgment again, we who acquire lived with blight of our bodies animate you to anguish beneath and alive more. You are stronger than you know. Conserve activity for what is castigation to manage; let go of dreams and acquire new opportunities advancing your way. Leave the action to the experts, and you will accomplish it!
“Yes, activity is fragile. And so very, actual good. Alike in this time of pandemic. Humans, YOU, acquire a abundant accommodation to grab on to achievement and airing with it. We can affirm to it. We’ve been actuality before.
“Peace and abundant joy to you all.
“WICKI-YAH and Harley Man”
GRANDMA PAT, “formerly of rural Roberts, Wisconsin”: “Subject: Coronavirus Blessing.
“It has been way too quiet actuality in our chief facility. Yes, we acquire Mass, exercise class, and adventure time on our centralized TVs. Yes, we are aggravating out Zoom. Yes, we acquire admirable old oak copse to airing under. It’s still too quiet! Our dining room, fettle center, library, auditorium, and abbey are all closed, and no visitors are accustomed in.
“This weekend a phenomenon happened. Music was advancing from outside, advancing appropriate up to our third-floor balcony. I looked out, and there beneath me were two adolescent musicians. They had a guitar and an amplifier out beneath the trees. They took turns singing and arena admirable songs for able-bodied over an hour. They alleged out ‘Hello’s to their grandparents on the fourth floor, and to all of us who were at our windows or balconies.
“What a gift! I’m still smiling!”
BILL of Lake St. Croix Beach: “After a contempo bounded coffer robbery, several eyewitnesses were asked by the badge to call the robber. Basically all of them agreed: ‘Probably a man . . . cutting a white mask.’
“Good luck award him!”
LeoJEOSP: “Subject: The new normal.
“The bigger bisected went to Target today.
“She comes home and, in a articulation which is affectionate of excited, says: ‘Target had toilet paper!’
“In my 64 years, I never apprehension I would apprehend that. What awe-inspiring times we alive in!”
WILD BILL of River Falls: “Here’s a awe-inspiring accurate adventure you and your readers ability enjoy.
“A few years back, I had to fly by myself to the West Coast. For assorted reasons, I appointed a Aboriginal Chic seat.
“The night afore my flight, I had a active dream in which I was on that flight accompanied by extra Gal Gadot. It was so intense, I remembered the capacity (G-rated) and wondered if it was some affectionate of premonition. I knew that was silly, but begin myself attractive about as I waited in the abandonment lounge. No signs of Gal Gadot.
“I boarded the flight, sat down, and I saw her! Appropriate in advanced of me! Alone she was on a baby screen, because the featured in-flight cine was ‘Wonder Woman.’
“I anticipate my analytic admiral acquire a abnormal faculty of humor.”
Band Name of the Day: Blessed Face
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